There are times when things get hard. Life begins to come at us at full force with all of its twists and turns. Take us for example, we are in a semi long distance relationship right now. We are not always able to talk to each other and be there when the other is going through tough times. It’s never intentional but life can sometimes get the better of us with everything going on. I have been working on myself along the way. I do things, little things, here and there so that I am continuously growing not only for myself but for you as well. I’m such a fool for you though. The other day when I got to see you it was like being in your presence brought about an inexplicable feeling of happiness that simply told me “ everything will be okay” not because I knew but because I felt it. Oh man I sure am a fool for you. I see you growing as well and I learn more about you as our days go on. And I must say that it is such a beautiful sight getting to marvel at everything that you are and join you on this journey here that we call life. It is special. Special indeed.
Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days, and days to weeks. Suddenly it hit me. I managed to get lost in the beauty of your eyes. I thought to myself how incredible it is that the color brown could shine so brightly in this vast universe that we live in. Having not been able to see you for a few weeks. I know you’re probably thinking it was only a few weeks. But man did those weeks feel like they dragged on forever. There is just something about the way that you came into my life abruptly that had me hooked since the very beginning. Like a drug, I missed you dearly. If you’re reading this I love you.
I imagine the sound of your footsteps getting closer and closer. Each foot hitting the ground…thump…thump….as you approach me from behind. You cover my eyes with your gentle touch. You ask me “guess who?” as if I don’t know that it’s you. Your name at the tip of my tongue… but suddenly I wake up as I realize I was only dreaming. Reality slowly setting in…as the sound of my alarm continues to ring. I move my hand across the bed but to no avail. You’re not there. I suddenly open my eyes as I’m bewildered that you’re not there. I walk downstairs towards the kitchen… and here you are.. glowing as you glance back towards me with that beautiful smile that I fell in love with. Oh how I wish the words written on paper were real.
I wrote this almost two years ago and found it in one of my journals as I was cleaning today. There’s a second part that I’ll post tomorrow. It really is crazy to see how far things have come and how our thoughts change over the years…
Wherever you may be…right now as I write this I’m somewhere in the world sitting at the beach. The sun is shining through the clouds, the ocean breeze is running across my body. I hear the sound of birds as they fly through the sky. It’s the first time I’ve been to the beach alone and for myself in years. I feel as though I could get used to this feeling. I’ve been wanting to write to you for a while now. not knowing who you are, where you’re at in life, and where we’ll be in life by the time you read this. I wonder if we’ll read these together or if you’ll have found them online where I plan to publish for the world to witness. And by world I mean you… because you are my world. Cheesy I know but I just had too. I feel as if the world we live in today pressures everyone around to go to college, find a reliable job, get married, and start a family in order to define the road we take for a happy and successful life. I’ve lived a quiet and simple life all these years. My favorite pastime being to search for music I’ve never heard and listen to the various sounds as they enter my soul. Fun fact.. just hearing a little bit of a song and I’m able to sing along or at least hum the song even if I’ve never heard the song before. Not with 100% accuracy but it’ll get you thinking I’ve at least heard the song before even though I may not have. There are many different paths that we can seize. The one I’ve taken up until this point in my life has made me realize that I’m on a roller coaster that just keeps on going up. Would you like to join me?
Today you were sick, you’ve been sick for a while and I really am hoping that you get better. But I definitely did not expect that I would be driving an hour and a half to you just so I could do a little shopping and get you some food. I might just be a fool for you, you know that? But it was still extremely satisfying to see you even though we couldn’t physically touch. I wanted to leap through the window, hold, and kiss you ever so tightly. I had to control my urge because it wouldn’t do us any good if both of us were sick. I am happy that I got to see you even if it was just for a few minutes. I hope you and the little one feel better soon so that we can all spend some quality time together.
If I could go back in time and change something about my past, I would not. There are many things that could be changed, but I truly think that everything up until this point has turned out the way it has for a reason. These inexplicable moments that have led up to my days spent with you were not for naught. I have been learning and experiencing the world all on my own and developing into the man I am today for both of our sakes. I am still constantly growing into a better person, but this time I’m not alone… I have you. To say that some of my happiest moments in life have been with you and the little one is a true statement in it’s purest form. Thank you for being the most sensational woman that I have come to know in my life.
The past three weeks have been some of my favorite days. Spending time with you and the little one. Although we did not get to spend Christmas and the new years together we did share some unforgettable moments of our own. Lounging around, enjoying the company of each other, sharing our own gifts that we got each other since we couldn’t celebrate the holidays together, and then of course shopping together.
When I see your smile it always seems to light up my world. Like snowflakes falling from the clouds the beauty that is your existence completely shows when you smile. I find myself thinking about you and the little one and missing the two of you as my days go on even more. I can only say that each moment that I get to spend with the two of you is something that I cherish deeply and whole heartedly.
You know.. for the longest time I would stray away from thinking about what love is. I was heartbroken for a time. I thought.. I knew what love was when I was younger. But little did I know that years later I would finally know in my heart what love would come to truly mean for me. Love is not defined by one specific moment in time but happens over the course of many days and nights shared between two beautiful human beings. I found that loving someone does not mean that you have to put up with the things that you dislike about each other. Love comes with a plethora of emotions that we go through on a daily basis. Love is a series of unforgettable moments that transpire when you least expect them too. Love is looking into another human being’s eyes and seeing the beauty in a color you haven’t previously been fond of. Love is thinking about someone and asking how their day is going regardless of how mundane or how many times you’ve heard the same thing over and over again. Love is having the willingness to come out of your comfort zone when you’re with your special someone. Love is finding joy in the other person’s excitement when you yourself know the things they do may not always be the most exciting. Love is in the small things that you enjoy doing with that person such as caressing their face or running your hands through their hair until they fall asleep after they have had a long and stressful day. Seeing them stressed but unwilling to talk about it at the moment so you decide to give them a little shoulder massage. Helping them with their menial tasks so they can take a breather. When you realize that you love someone, that you truly appreciate their existence in your life then the whole world dims in comparison to your special person. My special person is you, it took me a while for me to realize that I love you, and you may not love me. But that’s okay because I’m going to keep on loving the person that you are. Because you are absolutely unequivocally wonderful in my eyes.
Love is.. in my not so humble opinion.. a roller coaster of emotions. We experience life with expectations from individuals around us that are in every part of our life. Love for a stranger, a friend, a wife, a daughter, a son, or even a distant relative comes in all kinds of different forms. Author Marisa Donnelly wrote one of my favorite articles on her own definition of love titled “Love Is A Verb.” Below is the article and I thought I’d share it with you becomes it’s something that made me smile thinking of you.
“To love—that is an action, a movement our thought. Sometimes the act happens unconsciously, like closing your eyes and praying for someone as they get into their car. Sometimes it’s more intentional, like choosing to smile even when you’re angry, or lowering your voice when you want to scream.
Love is something physical, something chemical happening between your body and brain when you think of a person, when you’re in proximity, when you feel their touch or hear their voice or even imagine where they are and how they’re feeling when you’re hours and miles and time zones apart.
To love is to do, to feel, to become. Love is not passive, or still. Love is continual movement and change and growth—adapting to fit, making space in your heart for someone else.
But as humans we make so many damn excuses. We become infatuated with someone. We fall for the physical. We get wrapped up in the moment with another person, believing we’ve encountered love simply because we’re finally feeling something, simply because we’ve spent the majority of our days pushing everyone away, distancing from anything genuine, so much that anything remotely affectionate feels like the real thing.
So we spin ourselves in circles around people until we’re dizzy. We put all our heart into a connection before we even know where it’s going. And then, when this ‘love’ fades and we’re faced with the choice—to build, to grow, to truly find and make love happen—we balk. We make excuses. We point fingers at the other person, saying he or she wasn’t ready, didn’t care, wasn’t ‘the one.’ We blame ourselves, saying it’s ‘just not the right time,’ or we have to ‘find or fix ourselves’ before we can truly let someone in.
But the truth is, we’re just lying to ourselves. We confuse lust and infatuation with the real thing. We mistake giddiness for commitment. We run before we can experience anything meaningful.
We think love is supposed to be simple, easy, and we so easily forget that real relationships require patience and work.
Loving someone is hard. Not the unconscious feeling. Not the way your heart seems to know, seems to belong with someone else. Not the way you smile without thinking, or kiss with the entirety of your body and soul. But the choice part, the deliberate part, the part that decides to move forward and continue to care about someone, no matter the obstacle or change or distance that may come between. That’s hard.
Because love is not a one-time thought or feeling. It’s a continual action, continual choice, continual promise to another person. Love is a verb.
Love is looking at someone and deciding that you want to love them even when they mess up, even when they fall down, even when they’re not the same person, even when they fight with you or make you cry. Love is kissing someone and finding ways to be passionate towards them, even when there are a thousand distractions, even when there are ‘prettier’ or ‘hotter’ or ‘more attractive’ people just out of reach.
Love is choosing to push away temptation and focusing on who your person is and how the two of you can grow together. Love is walking away from people and things that hinder who you two have the potential to become.
Love is movement—towards one another, even through the chaos of this life. Love is active—searching for ways to be closer, to understand, to meet halfway.
To love is to do. To choose one another, and never stop.” – Marisa Donnelly